You can’t make a heart love somebody….

It’s crazy how you can fall in love with someone with every part of you except your heart.  I fell for Jesse in so many ways. He is the sweetest guy ever. I never knew someone so manly could be so sensitive, and I wanted to marry him so much. The only problem was, I couldn’t convince my heart to love him, and take him for eternity. There is a song by George Strait that comes to mind all the time lately called, “You Can’t Make A Heart Love Somebody.” In the song the guy asks the girl to marry him and she answers him and says…. “I knew this was coming, and I’ve done everything I can think of to make the feelings grow, I’ve begged and I’ve pleaded with my heart, but there’s no gettin’ through. My hearts the only part of me that’s not in love with you. You can’t make a heart love somebody, you can tell it what to do, but it won’t listen at all. You can’t make a heart love somebody, you can lead it to love, but you can’t make it fall.” I know there is a plan and I know I have to trust in it the best that I can. But every once in a while trusting is awful hard to do. My Heart fell head over heels for Derek two years ago, and so did the rest of me. I love everything about him, his family, his annoying sounds, his smile, his laugh, his sense of humor, the way he treats his family, the way he dresses (love all his black shirts.), how he always makes me laugh, how he sings so loud in the car, that he likes Cher, everything. But me loving him isn’t good if he doesn’t feel the same back. As much as I would love to, I can’t make him love me.  I just want to understand why…. Why does it work that way? Why couldn’t I love Jesse like he loved me? And why can’t Derek and I be on the same page at the same time? Haha…. That’s where I have to have faith. I trust in the plan of my Father in Heaven, even though I don’t really know what it is, I trust in it. I am grateful for the experiences I have had. Even though I am dying in some ways inside right now I am grateful. I have been very blessed in so many ways it’s my turn to hurt for a bit. Soon a new door will open and it will be a good one. J